A little secret

Hey Lao Da,
I’ve got a really totally and completely embarrassing secret to tell you.

Okay, go ahead. I’m listening.

Well,  I totally completely just went to my university so I could stalk DC*.

Michelle, you don’t need to say the word “totally”, and “completely” every sentence. And I’m not too surprised. it sounds like something you’d do.

WHAT? Really?? I totally…. I mean, anyways, I thought it’d shock you just a little bit, cause this shows that even after graduating from uni for three years, I’m still the same person. I thought I’d grown a little bit, like I’d be mature enough not to do these kind of things.

You didn’t surprise me with the stalking, but I have to say I was a little thrown off by that other thing you did.

What would that be?

You sat in the student centre, and looked at girls as they walked by, tallied how many were “skinny” and how many were of “healthy weight range”,  you also looked at their asses and tallied how many were “small”, “medium”, and “big-ass”.

Oh, that? I was just curious. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do while I was a student, but never got around to it.

What would you achieve by doing this?

Um, I’m sure it’s got pretty profound usages. It’s to see what the average-weight college woman really looks like. ‘Cause you know, you hear people say the average woman is 140 pounds and 5’ 4″ tall, but that’s definitely NOT the case among young people. I just suspect that people don’t feel fat only because they saw some skinny chick on magazines. I bet half of the girls walking around campus are actually underweight.

Okay, now, I see what you mean…. What do ya know, there may be some intelligence behind this.

Heyyy, what you saying dude? I’m totally intelligent.

I’m not saying you’re not intelligent. I was just contemplating. What you do can come across nonsensical  and a tiny bit assholey. You were looking at girls’ butts and assigning size and weight categories. Also, the size-judging is very biased.


That being said, are you gonna be doing some kind of research based on this?


Then why the hell did you do it??

It’s an exercise of my curiosity. Einstein had always encouraged this kind of behaviour. If he were alive, I’m pretty sure he’d applaud me.

Einstein is not alive, and you have no relations with him. Even if he was alive, he wouldn’t be mixed with you or your social circle. That’s beside the point, are you saying you’re doing this big-ass small-ass tally just so you can have Einstein give you a high five in your imagination?

Um…..yeah, why not?

Ugh. I have no words. Anyway, did you spot DC?

Nope. But I might have.

What do you mean? You’re making less and less sense as the day goes on.

I mean, I saw this tall, lanky guy with long hair and glasses, wearing a heather-grey sweatshirt/sweater come out of Uni Hall. I only caught a glimpse because I was walking in the opposite direction, suddenly turning around would look too suspicious. So I instead fixated on a squirrel, who by the way ate a lot of leafs.
Actually, it was all very quick, I’m not sure if he was wearing glasses or had long hair, that might’ve been figments of hopeful imagination. Comes to think of it… it may not have been a guy either.

Um…. you mean, you came all the way to visit the university, just to stalk DC, and all you saw was a heather-grey blur?

Well, yeah, if you put it that way.

Michelle, I thought three years of experience abroad in Japan would have made you grow up. I was wrong, so wrong.

*DC – Acronym for a professor who Michelle and her friends stalked on occasions when she was in university.


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